And with that heat of the moment, a rash thought that I really hate this, and I really do hope that this hatred can last me throughout the years, reminding me always. But contradictory enough, I have had mentioned (and analyzed perhaps) previously that I am not the type to hold on to such things. Hence there grew this little thought, turned into a hope which manifested into words, that maybe, just maybe, I can write it down somewhere glaringly obvious so that I can be reminded everyday of this hatred.

Hatred that helps to protect.

Yet again, I don't think any of these ever happens. It's simply a predicable cycle where we fight, cry, lose our hope, and forget. Gradually.

and today I just had this new thought, that maybe the reason why we forget so easily is because the reasons that started the arguments are simply...unreasonable. Truly so unreasonable, and so frequent that we lose sight of it soon enough. But once we are hurt again, everything comes back to us like a clear photo.

Just some random thoughts that was during and after:

- 为什么有过这么多次经验，心仍然学不会麻木？可能是因为内心深处了解彼此是血缘关系，而每一次只会让自己更加痛心，认识到彼此无法有着常常憧憬的画面？

- Maybe that's when we have to start thinking of another way to protect ourselves. Like running away, on a regular basis.

- 也许就是因为这种“机会教育”，今天的我们才会如此笨拙，如此依赖他人。请问这，又跟我们学到的"rote learning", "spoon-feeding" 有什么不同？人生，不应该自己摸索吗？放手的程度应该有个限度，像"creative learning"不好吗？

- 讨论是妄想，更何况是理性的讨论。最终只会演变成双方的唇枪舌战，再来就是单方面的暴力。可以说我们从来就没有接触过任何启发性的教育…吧？

- I know you probably just want to protect me. But your way of executing such a thought is simply too obnoxious and impalpable.

- 因此，以后的策略应该要有所不同。是时候独立了。

So this period is a start of a new phase in life, and is also a time to test out my personal values. 可能到底也就只有时间能证明一切。And when that time comes, I hope I can shove everything under your nose and beam brightly at you. Maybe that's when I can finally say that without any of the repetitive advice, I am still able to survive. And experience life as it is.

Sometimes, I still believe that the quote "Parents just don't seem to understand that I just want to learn from making mistakes in life." is true to a certain extent. A very large extent at it too, looking from the psychological view.

Also, I think that I sometimes have such liberal thoughts that I must have been a westerner my previous life.

Okay. this post is being outrageously obvious. I can't believe I allowed myself to command such atrocity. Probably time for some style huh (: On a side note, I think cockroaches must be the most evil, hideous, grotesque looking insect in the world.

tata (: More to come.