no matter how hard I tried today, I just couldn't focus on the applications.

sometimes it scares me thinking if this would follow me through my life, because one has to be constant in life at times, and not just waiting for that sudden inspiration or mood to come to you.

"Inspirations do not drop down from the sky, you have to think for it." this line was told to us by a young and cheerful lady who is a current writer cum script writer.

and previously when I saw snippets of "The Three Idiots", there was a sentence in it that struck me. It meant that fear is something that hinders you from being successful. Initially I was admittedly stumped. Wasn't fear something that motivates you? Like fearing that you would score badly for a test and hence pushing yourself to ensure that you don't? But then recently, I started to think about it and I found out the meaning behind this.

When we are fearful of something, we doubt. We become skeptical, we hesitate, and then we give up. Considering the disadvantages and consequences makes us worry. When we are unable to overcome this fear, or when we are so consumed by the horrors and possible circumstances that we will reject, we become too fearful of something and we fall back. Which makes me wonder, why is it that we were never bothered with such things when we were kids? Talking with Jia Rern today really made me agree with her. Because as we grow older, we are slowly capable of analyzing the processes and outcomes, and we can gather information. Enough for us to make informed decisions, but also enough for us to become too fearful to decide. The line is blurry, yes, but I can't help thinking that fear is truly something that can change our lives according to the way we react to it. (just like architecture, hiakhiakhiak)

So just hope that we make informed decisions, and conquer our fears if we know that it can be conquered (and worthwhile). Sigh I really do miss the times when we were all so young and carefree, with our parents and such a strong government there to care for all of us (or make decisions for us) even if we made mistakes. Not that they don't now, but as we get older the impact of failing/making a mistake gets stronger on us, I guess. So maybe that's why we were so fearless and full of courage (not forgetting curiosity) as a kid, always jumping at every opportunity that our teacher offers us.

(Not yet blogging about architecture yet I guess, maybe I'll even postpone that to May -- when I've confirmed that I really did get in/I got rejected ): but I really hope not now, ha haa. )

Anyway, today was rather tiring, I don't know why but it suddenly made me feel rather...detached from the outside world ha ha! Guess the two plus weeks of staying at home had it's impact on me. Or rather...because there was someone new? I don't know how to put it into words, maybe next time again (:

And, happy birthday houyin, hope you kmm A Levels :D